I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
