So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
