actually, I'm a sock model
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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