did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
