Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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