I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
