come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
