can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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