Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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