handjob tips. give me some.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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