I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
