I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
