i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How does one acquire holy water?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
