Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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