If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
