Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
