The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I deserve this hangover.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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