Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Randomize
