Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
