i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
