just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
