dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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