i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
