Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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