my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You made out with two different species that night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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