She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I intend to get homeless drunk
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
