I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
