Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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