don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
