I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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