i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
