I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
