Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
