I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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