How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
