all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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