from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
