I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
