One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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