we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
