I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
