She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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