i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
