Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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