i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she told me i tasted like america
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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