Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
