...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize