Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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