Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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