I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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