I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
