she was so not down for the gang bang
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
