I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
