Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
