drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
