Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize