your room smells of hookers.
And success
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
