Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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