I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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