do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
