Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
