my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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