this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
