I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
