Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
