whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
